Mayberry: Can vs. May

In the perfect grammar world that my own parents live in, I am expected to properly use the terms “can” and “may” when asking a question. In order to invent a logical argument against my parents’ picky grammar habits, I turned to Grammar Girl and her debate of the words “can vs. may.”

Grammar Girl agrees that in the utopian world of grammar, there is an inevitable distinction, and one is more appropriate than the other in most given circumstances. “Can” denotes a physical or mental ability, while “may” refers to permission or authorization of an action. For example, in the sentence “Can I go to the party?,” can is used incorrectly, as it refers to the physical or mental ability one has to go to the party. “May” would be more appropriate in this sentence, referring to whether or not the individual asking the question has permission to attend the party.

However, Grammar Girl also admits that society is currently deviating away from the formal usage of “can” vs. “may.” Our “grown-ups” today believe that the use of either word depends solely on the formality of the scenario. For example, to the waiter at a fancy restaurant, one would typically ask “May I have more water please?”, in order to reflect the formal setting in which the word is being used.

Finally, one must consider that every situation is entirely unique. In the case of the question “Can we expect you at the party tomorrow?,” neither word seems to fit. “Are we mentally able to expect you at the party tomorrow?” and “Do we have your permission to expect you at the party tomorrow?” both sound ridiculous. It is in this outlandish situation that we settle on an unrelated but most appropriate word: might. “Might we expect you at the party tomorrow?” seems to solve all problems.

Now one has to wonder what to do with these technicalities. Based on the flow of society and where it stands on this issue today, I would dare to say that this situation is now entirely based on formality. Try to use the word that most naturally fits the formality of the situation, or choose a word that has a similar meaning, such as might, be able to, be capable of, or could.